W7330 REPORT OF THE MOODWEYAUSHKAH CLUB by [Rev.] Calvin McQuesten
Jan 1 1900 Estimated date,
To: Members of the club Likely, Toronto, Ontario
From: Likely, Toronto, Ontario
THE MOODWEYAUSHKAH CLUB
SOME SLIGHT ACCOUNT OF ITS ORGANIZATION1
I write to ask you if you think a fellow who goes on a sleighing party is necessarily a Lady-killer?
Yours anxiously, Muskike.
Not necessarily, perhaps, Muskike; but he need not be surprised if he gets the name, when he shelters four girls under one shawl.
Will you kindly inform me what you consider the best month of the year to get married in, I am contemplating this most serious piece of business, and would like to do it right. Please answer at once.
Yours in trepidation,
It depends, good Mikisimoo, upon whom you are going to marry. If she be anything like my Wife Xantippe,2 of whom perhaps you have heard, I would suggest the 30th February as a best day for the ceremony. Otherwise, choose June. It rhymes so well with spoon.
(If you don't mind what you are saying)
We are told that at a certain memorable sleighing party, one of the chief participants of the Male persuasion, chanted with an almost wearysome monotony, "There is just one Girl." If he was not heard by everybody, it was because he sang it solo.
No doubt you have observed the marked improvement in the tone of an evening paper lately. There is good reason for this decided betterment, which we trust will continue. We congratulate our not very highly esteemed contemporary the Evening Nuisance, upon having secured the services of such an excellent man as Yipwakow, our wise Ookiskewahikac.3
We had hoped to present to our Readers a special contribution from our correspondent at Mattawa, brother Sokipitoonao; but we hear the Boers have intercepted it or the press censor delayed the transmission. Mattawa, owing to the Transvaal War, has assumed a new importance. It is believed that Field Marshall Sam Hughes, who has superceded Lord Roberts in South Africa, contemplates a strategic movement towards Pretoria by way of Mattawa. We have but given another example of Mascot enterprise in getting our own representative so quickly on the field.
THE MOODWEYAUSHKAH CLUB,
SOME SLIGHT ACCOUNT OF ITS ORGANIZATION.
The clock struck nine.
The solemn visaged group sat in deepest conclave.
Barker was there. He of the beautiful side whiskers.
Armstrong was there. Armstrong the eloquent: but his eloquence was silenced now by the gravity of the question to be considered.
Waters was there. Jim waters. You will all know him.
McIvor was there. You could tell him by the guttral [sic] Gaelic that trickled at prolonged intervals through his wind-pipe.
McWillie was there. He of the knotty muscle. Whom they led to the water, but could not put in the drink.
Austin was there. Every now and then in musical tones he would utter his famous slogan--"Go slowly, boys, go slowly."
Gilbart was there. The gathering would have been short-handed without him.
Welles was there. He of the innocent childlike face and manner.
Damp was there. How could it be otherwise with Welles and Waters present.
We were there. Did you ever know us when we weren't?
And who else was there. He always is at such gatherings.
What was the question? Shall we organize? The answer? Yes.
What shall we be called? The Moodweyaushkah club.
What officers? President, Vice-President, Secretary-Treasurer, Prophet and Editor.
Let us elect them.
Pres., Barker; Vice., McIvor; Sec.Treas., Welles; Prophet, McQuesten; Editor, Duncan Clark.
Let us have Indian names. By all means. Waters and Duncan Clark you see about that.
Let us adjourn. We must. They are putting out the lights.
1 This refers to the Moodweyaushkah Club that Calvin and his friends had formed. They each took an "Indian" name.
2 Xantippe is the name of
Socrates' wife, whom he disliked and/or feared.
3 Calvin had taken a job as journalist with the Toronto News.
4 At present this site contains four such "reports" or letters about the Moodweyaushkah Club: W7330, W7330a, W7440, W7440a.